You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The air was thick with penises
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
