Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
