you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
