seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
