I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
