He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
