I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
