i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
His nipple licking is glorious
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