i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
third nipple confirmed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
