The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
