I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize