i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
