I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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