I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
