she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
