oh god the rape fog is back!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
