you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
