If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
