After last night, I could never be a politician.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
