Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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