Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
