Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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