My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize