Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have fence marks all over my body
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize