As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
