Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My bed smells like the plague
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
