he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
