Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
