I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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