this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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