You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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