Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
