the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize