i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
