So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize