We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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