Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
