Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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