I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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