Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
