sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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