cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When did we convert life to cartoon?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
