New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
