I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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