turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
