He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
