You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
false alarm, still single
Randomize
