I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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