It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
