your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
