I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
