I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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