i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
