Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
