you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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