we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
