do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
