So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize