i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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