my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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