She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize