my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just found puke in my bra..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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