fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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