what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
