he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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