dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
