Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
