I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize