i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
