Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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