I have demons in me.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
